"Go Rest High On That Mountain" came out many years after I lost my babies. It took me many years to get over their loss. Who am I kidding? You never really get over it. It always hurts. You just learn to live with it. This song is burned into my heart and soul. It reminds me that even though I don't have them, they are with the Father and someday I will be too.
When I Called Your Name speaks to how many times I have felt alone and abandoned. Even though I am over 50 years old, I can still remember living in our 1850's large farm house as a child and how it felt to feel all alone and afraid. There were people around, but I knew if I called out for someone no one would answer. I thought when I grew up and moved away and got married I would never have to feel that pain again.
"I Never Knew Lonely" is always good for a cry. This song has been part of my life for a long time. It seems as if it is here to help me when I need to think and cry and think some more. Its what I listen to when lifting weights and running won't take the edge off the searing pain.
This seems like a depressing post, doesn't it? Well, maybe it is. But, doesn't everyone suffer some pain from time to time? Doesn't everyone find themselves in a situation where mourning the loss of a family member or a romance? As a society we spend so much time on telling people to be happy, we forget what mourning and grieving are for.
In varying degrees, everyone mourns the changes in their lives, even if the changes are happy ones because no matter what, familiar things are being left behind. Some people cling to old ways of doing things because they fear the unknown. They resist change or sometimes embrace it at first and then flee from it.
When the change is thrust upon them, they must do the things required to gain that control of their lives again. Even if in the end they are happier and stronger for it, they still mourn the loss of the past. I know I have felt that way. I often think about what could have been or what should have been.
Grieving for would of and should of beens is mourning the loss of a dream. When a persons dreams die, its often difficult to get new ones. Dreams are personal goals, a picture of something you want to accomplish in your life. When those dreams require another person to complete it, you are certainly in the heartache check out line. But, that's another song, buy another artist.
And, yeah, right now things hurt pretty bad. I did the thing I swore I would never do and it came back to bite me in the butt. So, I go to my job, exercise till my body can't take no more, and when that still doesn't quiet the screaming pain, I turn on a little Vince Gill and sing and cry till my heart says enough. I still hope things will work out and like my dreams, but if they don't, I know what not to do and in the end, that's how I think its supposed to be for me.
Here are some youtube.com links to the songs mentioned:
Go Rest High On That Mountain
When I Called Your Name
I Never Knew Lonely
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mKA4y4UIfMU
No comments:
Post a Comment